Monday, June 10, 2013

Self censorship

When I started writing this blog it was with the firm belief that over the course of it I'd excorcise some demons and clean some emotional slates clean. But I think I've made one fatal mistake, I've let people know its me writing and subsequently i cant share too much.......folks would recognise themselves.

So, I find myself at a bit of a blogging impasse. Do I continue to be open in my writing ie write as topics come to mind and say what I think I need to say or do I remain emotionally constipated? Should I restart my blog anonymously?

As a couple we've both over the years kept a close counsel, on my part because I'm trying to protect those around me. In my darkest days after losing Gabriel I'm not sure I know anyone who could have 'got' it barring Claire & Nic, so sharing doesn't come easy!! Well sharing tit bits & humour comes easy but salving the soul, not so much.

So what am I self censoring you might ask? Well a lot. Those of you who follow me on Facebook will have seen me ranting today & that was me holding back.  And there is the problem. I didn't start blogging to take photos of my food & recipe share. So whilst I am quietly working my way to 100 new recipes, I found it really boring to write about, so god bless those who read it, but I'm not going to do again. 

My passion in my life has been in the people I meet, the foibles of humans, their geeky passions and I think that's what I thrive on and it's certainly what makes me laugh. But it's with a heavy heart that I say this adventure is really an uphill struggle, full of some really negative moments. Today was a dark day for me. 

So, whilst I muse over what to do, I will try & blog about Oz and finding our way here, but not the insane behaviours I have been faced with.

Any and all advice welcome, but I'm erring on anonymous. 


Alex Hotchkiss said...

You, i should imagine, have a vast library of incidents, adventures etc to draw from your younger days in Scotland. No reason not to bring them forth and compare 'young' you and ' more mature you'. the plus point is a massive plus.....who cares who you insult in Scotland, it's not like you're going to bump into them in 'Kangaburgers R us' or where ever you eat out.

Claire Goodheir Curtis said...

Hi A
I'm not sure i can be much advice - nice to know I class as a help in the darker times - man we went through them dealing with life without our boys. And I know how hard it can be to people say things that can feel like an insult as people are at a loss to deal with the grief. It may be nearly be 7 yrs on but let's face it, some days still feel it was yesterday. I don't know what's happened, and hope it wasn't about Gabriel but I also know that you are doing your best to live a happy life and need a place to vent at times. I still write in a journal for my own thoughts and on shays gts web page when I need to say something public, or sometimes FB if I need to not pretend it didn't happen.
Whatever gets you through the day pet - if you need to make it public then that's your right to do so, and you can try to clear up what results from it afterwards if you feel the need to
Much love, C xxxxx