Weight, Wardrobe & Wobbles OR Wobbles in the Wardobe about Weight!!

Pre Oz I was wearing size 12 skinny jeans, when I say pre Oz I mean pre Craig arriving here! Size 12 proper 12's, River Island 12's, Zara 12's (yippee) and since planning the 'getting to Oz phase', 'being without Craig' phase and going through '6 month holiday' phase I find myself wearing elasticated waists (take me to Switzerland and give me a wee pill) and size 16 Next jeans! I'm so annoyed with myself!

Having had 2 C sections I've got an 'apron' that bounces like a second set of boobs when I run, it needs 'scooped' into my control pants and the weight of it can on occasion pull my knickers down! It's not a pretty sight!

I'm not expecting to be Elle McPherson, but I would love to be able to get in or out of a seat without having to pull my knickers and/or jeans up, whilst simultaneously tucking my bellies in & stopping my t shirt riding up my back and/or my boobs spilling out the top of my top, whilst trying to wipe my brow of the sweat all this effort takes and remaining a lighter shade of scarlet!

I do give myself a break in terms of babies, life etc but to be honest I spent my 20s fat and most of my 30s pregnant. I would like to say that my forties were the years I stopped abusing my body and started treating myself with respect and care.

So tonight I'm going to do 2 things to get these wobbles under control!

1. If I'm brave enough I'm going to post a photo of my 'apron' ( im hoping the fear of what it looks like might spur me on) to my blog.

2 I'm going to sort out my wardrobe! I'm going to section it into fits, too small, not worn in the whole time I've been in Oz, dump & give away!

I don't think these photos do my 'wardobe' justice. There is a whole section of dresses (how many have you have seen me in a dress?).

Trousers & Tops!!

Jumpers

You know when you read those articles and you're a pear, an apple, a square etc etc, well im a dodecahedron with no arse and skinny pins. The minute i put on a kg i grow another chin and a belly. 5kg in weight can mean a 2 whole dress sizes for me.

I didn't necessarily set out to write about weight & image but in my daily dreamings, being skinny figures a lot. I know it's sad and I'm more than that etc etc, but when my size 12 skinny jeans fit me i feel better than when i'm hauling my size 16 joggers over my bellies, FACT.

Reflection

So in starting to write this blog I hoped to clear my head of the things that rattle around in there and since moving to australia can become a bit compulsive. Since having more time on my hands, due to lack of money, friends, social life, I've been a wee bit too self indulged, or have I ?

I'm a strong person, that much I'm sure, I'm a big personality, that I'm sure of too. I rub some people up the wrong way, but fortunately those I do that to I generally I find dull. I don't handle dull well. I like geeks, weirdos, obsessives, all those labels that some people avoid I like. At least they're interesting !

So as always I've gone off track!

Australia's been good for helping me reflect and here's the conclusion I've come to. Being strong doesn't mean not showing your vulnerability, it doesn't mean not being honest about how you are, and it doesn't mean asking for help when you need it.

Now, before you all panic that's not how I'm feeling now, it's how I know I've dealt with life before now. My parents divorce, my dad shacking up with a girl I went to school with, losing Gabriel, the subsequent miscarriage, getting pregnant again, moving to Australia. I've just sucked it all up and expected everyone round me to get on with it too.

I can't say this is the first day of my not being an emotional cripple, but maybe the first day of my putting it all out there, all that's in my head, the good, the bad & the ugly

Making Friends at 41 Part 1

Before I arrived in Australia, everyone, and I mean EVERYONE told me I'd meet soooooooo many people through the kids!! That has been the case, but what I failed to think about was the friends I was leaving behind. Some of these people have known me over 30 years, some have held my hand through my darkest days, and some have literally made me pee myself laughing, the vast majority have done at least 2 of these and I have to say I miss them out of everything else.

 Since arriving in Perth I've met some great girls, I've also been looked up & down at by more woman than I ever was at high school! You know that look? From the shoes to the top of your head and back down again?? Its not a good thing, I find it really bitchy, OH says I should be flattered!!

At first I would take the little ones to the park daily and hope that someone might talk to me!! (sad but true). For those of you who know my youngest, you will know this was not perhaps the best strategy, she has a tendency to attack other kids like a WWF wrestler, the Australian call it "feral behaviour", the British "spirited". We've never made a friend randomly at the park!!

My next strategy was to hang about the school with the eldest. This proved disastrous! She's year 5 and the "cliques" had been fully formed before I arrived. I unfortunately don't fit into the "stay at home and knit your own knickers" group, nor the "I've got a great career and tons of money" clique. I've yet to find the "drink vodka in the afternoon & pee yourself laughing" clique, but am quietly recruiting members as I write this.

I joined 2 playgroups and have met some great woman through that. The 2 wee ones have met some lovely friends and youngest is starting to learn some social graces.

My netball experiences have been pretty funny, but I'm gonna write that as another blog with some photos.

So where am I at? I've reached the conclusion I'd like to maybe get out and about a bit more, see some bands etc and try and meet some friends with more interests that are the same as me!! Bit depressed to find only person who wants to go to gigs with me is my eldest!! And I don't want to see Bruno Mars.